You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
