Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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