Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
