i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
