Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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