I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
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What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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