It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
