It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
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I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
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I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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