i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
