I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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