I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
