why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
