go do what you do best...puke behind churches
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
