There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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