How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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