Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
