There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
