I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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