I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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