it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
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I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
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definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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