So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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