I will die if light touches me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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