I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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