You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
