All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
