I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
and you fell through a lawn chair
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
