Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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