Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
