I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
