Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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