Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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