I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
