I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
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Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
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We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I feel like a drive thru vagina
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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