I like to think it a success when the cops are called
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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