So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you win again, gameday.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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