Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
