I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He has the fingertips of a God
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
