my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
