i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize