I got chris browned last night
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
