Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
