Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
