So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
