i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
why is half of my head shaved?
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