i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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