just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
