I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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