ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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