You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
