need another drink. this is the easiest way
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize