I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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