How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
