Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
