and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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