I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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