so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
