Umm I'm too high to move.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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