I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
