Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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