I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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