Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
